i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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