I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
