Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
