You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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