god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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