im about as happy as oj after his trial
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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