I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
