Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
