I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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