i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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