is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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