smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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