How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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