I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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