on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
