Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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