Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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