Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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