sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
