If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
