4 words: hood of his car
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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