its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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