So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I supernannyed him into submission
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
