he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
