Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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