I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
