I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
