There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hippo gnu deer
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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