the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
