remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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