We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
