And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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