I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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