So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize