I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
