Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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