i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
