alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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