Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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