We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
