This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
