I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Randomize