I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
