Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
