we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
