I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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