Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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