I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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