I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize