How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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