And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
