Your mouth is God's brothel.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
