even my farts smell like vagina
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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