Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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