and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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