I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
