if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
