At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
