On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
