i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
