then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
