This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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