My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
