She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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