I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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