Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
