i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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