I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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