that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
