Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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