my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
