Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
