the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
