Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
