Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
