i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
