so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
