Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
