if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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