the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
