Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
