that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
