I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
