The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize