i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
