I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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