my sisters under your porch take her home
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
