We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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