God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
