I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
