Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
