You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
