I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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