I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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