Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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