I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize