I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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