what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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