I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
