Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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